When it comes to depression, there really is no mind over matter. The problem is with your mind so the matter is just a looming weight ready to crush you. It’s been a particularly difficult couple months. In October I began to admit my need for change in order to jumpstart my life again. It was actually really difficult to come to terms with this. I decided to start meeting with a new therapist, which has been really good so far. At my monthly visit with my psychiatrist I knew I needed to make some kind of changes. And having already reached the max dosage of Prozac, how do I move up? We decided to add on an additional antidepressant, Wellbutrin. Honestly I didn’t feel any difference for the four weeks I started taking it. I even had a pretty severe episode where I didn’t leave my house for two days straight and cut off most communication with the outside world. Not my brightest moment.
I started getting curious as to whether this is normal. Can a medication like this just stop working? Turns out this is a condition called antidepressant treatment (ADT) tachyphylaxis. Or in layman’s terms, “Prozac Poop-out”. Doctors don’t really understand why it happens, but it is common. It’s not specific to Prozac, as it can occur with any antidepressant. The solutions are to increase the dosage, switch to another antidepressant or add on a supplemental antidepressant, which is what I’m doing. The problem I’m faced with now that I know this is rationalizing why I need to continue taking Prozac. I mean if it’s not working I need something else. But one thing my Psychiatrist mentioned is just because it doesn’t feel like it’s working, it is making a difference.
We’ve decided to increase the Wellbutrin to see if that starts to help. It’s just been one day at the higher dose and I think I’m starting to feel a difference. I only say that because I woke up this morning with a strong desire to go for a 5 mile walk and I actually did. Taz loved it; I haven’t been walking him nearly enough lately and I’ve noticed. I haven’t been doing any exercising for weeks now and every week I tell myself I’m going to get up early and go for a walk, but I never do. What’s different about today? For one thing the fact that I am going to “run” a Turkey Trot 10K on Thursday probably has something to do with it. I’m not in the shape I wanted to be when this week arrived. I won’t be able to run like I had dreamed of doing, so my goal is to finish! There is a two hour time limit which I think is plenty of time finish in even if I’m walking most of it. I will attempt to run a little, but I’m not going to push myself too hard.
I’m also realizing I need to clean up the way I’ve been eating. I’ve been pigging out on too much candy and fast food and soda, it’s pretty disgusting. I need to start bringing lunches to work again and purge the house of the delicious rich chocolates. Munch on carrots again and apples and drink water! I know what to do, I need to make a realistic plan and follow through. Nothing too overwhelming or overly ambitious, but enough to be successful and find that groove again. This is life and it’s not easy, but I’ve come this far, there is so much more to come!
I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving week! My family is visiting me which can be stressful in hosting, but also reassuring in knowing they can help me and work with me for the next few days. It’s going to be a good week, I can feel it in the air! I will post pictures and an update regarding my Turkey Trot 10K, so stay tuned…
Before I depart, I want to leave you with my favorite Thanksgiving Bible passage. May the words fill your heart with thanks and joy to God our Creator!
Shout with joy to the LORD, O earth!
Worship the LORD with gladness.
Come before him, singing with joy.
Acknowledge that the LORD is God!
He made us, and we are his.
We are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving;
Go into his courts with praise.
Give thanks to him and bless his name.
For the LORD is good.
His unfailing love continues forever,
And his faithfulness continues to each generation.
~ Psalm 100 (NLT)