Never Forget!


Dear Friends,

I never intended to take this long to write my next post.  It’s been a most eventful summer and thinking about sharing all the details of what I’ve seen and done makes me a little overwhelmed.  The climax though was my most recent trip to New York City and Philadelphia.  Although I’ve visited both cities before, having grown up on the East Coast, this was a very different trip because I was depending on public and paid transportation and otherwise traveling on foot.  I have to admit, between the four days of visiting the two cities I got over 80K steps.  Although it was great cardio exercise, returning to my boot camp workouts was a rude awakening to the necessity of remaining consistent.  But back to my adventures…

My favorite location of New York City has become Ground Zero.  I will always remember my first visit to the City when I was eight years old.  Seeing the Twin Towers was so mesmerizing.  They stood so grand and majestic casting their shadow on Lower Manhattan.  The next time I was able to visit New York was in 2005.  The destruction at the site of where those great towers once stood was very sobering.  There was a make-shift memorial and display at the site commemorating those who lost their lives that sad day.  It was the first time that September 11 felt real to me.  It brought back memory of the heartache the whole country was feeling that day.  This most recent trip to New York gave me another opportunity to see the transformation that has taken place in the last nine years.  The beautiful Freedom Tower stands in memoriam of its parent towers.  The recessed pools that cascade down into the bottomless footprint drowns out the noise of the busy city life surrounding this hallowed ground.  The new 9/11 museum was open, but unfortunately the wait to buy tickets and to get in were not part of my sightseeing agenda.  I will go back some day, but I am grateful for the opportunities I’ve had to pay my respect to the innocent and brave lives that were taken that historic day.  Each year on this day, I pray for the survivors and remember the events from now 13 years ago and how America changed that day.  I will never forget!

Never Forget

So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.
– Deuteronomy 31:6 (NLT)


With the summer coming to an end, facing reality has been more challenging than I anticipated.  I knew I would need to get back to my normal routine, but being off of it for so many weeks has really messed with my mind.  I’ll start tomorrow… Sunday will be my fresh start… I meant Monday… Even getting up for my 6 am bootcamp workouts that I’ve already paid for each month has become optional in my mind.  I know each session I miss is just money down the toilet.  And the changes I’ve made up to this point didn’t happen over night, or even in one week.  It’s been the continuous progress I make each and every week.  I think one of the reasons I’ve been putting off this post for so long is because I’ve been in denial.  Denial that I’m still on this journey.  Denial that I’ve actually quit working for this. This blog keeps me honest with you as well as myself.  I don’t like reporting that I haven’t been doing well, but I need to get back to writing each week.  So next week I will have a better report.  For both you and myself!

Summer Lovin’


It’s already the half-way point of July and it’s been a great summer so far.  I’ve definitely kept busy but in a good and happy way.  First off though, I am sad to report I am very behind on my 100 miles goal for July.  But, I’m still running hard to get in as many miles as I can.  I was probably a little too ambitious, but even if I don’t reach 100 miles, I’m running a few times a week and that’s all that matters.

I hope everyone had a Happy Fourth of July a couple weeks ago.  I celebrated the day by running my second 5K.  I was not nearly as nervous as my first one, so that took the pressure off a lot.  I planned to run with Tammy and we were going to do our usual intervals.  We started with a 1 minute run, 1.5 minute walk and didn’t bother looking at any timers or clocks or anything.  Just went where our feet took us.  At the half-way point they had a water station and we took an extra walking break so by the time we were running again we had switched intervals.  We were now running 1.5 minutes, walking 1 minute.  I asked Tammy if she wanted to continue and she was up for the challenge so we kept going on the new interval.  In the last stretch we were feeling tired but we still had a lot of strength in us to keep going.  We finished strong with a final sprint to the end.

Tammy and I about to cross the finish line!

Tammy and I about to cross the finish line!

My next goal is the 10K on Thanksgiving Day.  I need to create some kind of running plan so I can slowly but effectively build up to that distance.  A few weeks before the 10K though I will be running another 5K and my dream is to run a sub-30 minute 5K, but the closer it gets, I’ll see if that will become a reality.  I’m also excited because the 5K is going to be the Biggest Loser Run/Walk at Six Flags Discovery Kingdom.  It gives me an excuse to enjoy a day at Six Flags.

Today has been a good day for me!  The last few weeks I’ve been pretty stuck in a rut with my weigh ins.  I’ve lost and gained the same two pounds for weeks now!  Well, this week when I stepped on the scale I was pleasantly surprised to see a massive dip in my weight.  I always weigh myself first thing in the morning just to make sure I haven’t gone off the rails, so I knew it would be a good week to weigh in.  It was the best week!  I FINALLY reached my 10% goal at Weight Watchers!!  I have lost a total of 24 lbs since the beginning of the year!  And I like to remind myself that doesn’t include the 7 lbs or so that I lost prior to joining Weight Watchers.  So my total at this point is over 30 lbs lost!!  You know, it’s not easy and it’s not always fun, but as long as I keep putting in 100% I will see progress.

I’ve got a pretty solid routine right now with bootcamp training three times a week and running twice a week.  I know there is always more I could be doing, but I look at it this way, I’m doing a lot more than I was a year ago.  I’m moving in the right direction and that’s all that matters.  I’m a little nervous about the next few weeks because starting Friday I will be on vacation through the end of the month.  I’m going to try to make it to weigh in once a week with Weight Watchers, but other than that I won’t really be keeping tabs on my progress.  I won’t be going to my bootcamp classes so I will have to really focus on eating right and getting as much walking/running in as I can.  Either way, the vacation will be nice.

Since I won’t be around next weekend or for the next two weeks after that, I probably won’t write another post until August.  I have a lot of momentum right now to keep working hard.  I’m truly loving this summer because for the first time I feel like I honestly love myself.  I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished so far this year and I’m ready to keep this year going strong.  This transformation hasn’t happened over night, and it wasn’t just a snap of the finger.  There has been a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, but it’s all been worth it.  If you want to make a change in your life, just keep moving forward!  It’s as much about the journey as the destination!

As a token to represent the love of myself that is growing within me, I want to share with you the true meaning of love.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NLT

#July100Miles


This summer is just flying by.  Half the year is already history.  Every month I’ve felt inspired to set a goal for myself, but unless it’s something I’m already doing, I usually don’t make it a week.  This month I am setting a new challenge, but it’s more just tracking what I’m doing and motivating myself to do more.  My challenge is to run (or walk, or hike) a total of 100 miles this month.  I’ll be using the hashtag #July100Miles to track the distances with my RunKeeper app.

It’s day two and I’ve already completed two runs, a total of almost 6 miles!  Thankfully the 100 degree heat has started to subside so I could go out for a run yesterday evening and tonight.  My run yesterday though did not go as planned.  I’m still doing intervals, 1 minute run, 1-2 minute walk.  I decided to use the interval timer feature of my RunKeeper app but also wanted to listen to music at the same time.  Well, my iPhone couldn’t quite handle that and I soon realized that my 1 minute of running was a really LONG minute and my 2 minutes of walking were almost non-existent.  I hadn’t brought my regular interval timer, so I gave up listening for the beep and walked most of the time.  I also turned around earlier than I had planned to so I didn’t go quite as far. But in the end, I still went over 2.5 miles and I still did something.

Todays run was much better.  I ran with my neighbor and we tried a 1 minute run, 1.5 minute walk interval.  It wasn’t bad.  There was a nice breeze and it was late enough we could feel the temperature dropping.  So far I am on track for this month.  Friday, for the Fourth of July, I am running another 5K and my neighbor is going to run with me.  I originally wasn’t planning to really push myself and walk more than run, but maybe we will run.

My weight finally took a drop a couple weeks ago and I reached my 20 lb. weight lose with Weight Watchers.  It was a big milestone for me.  This last Sunday I went up 0.6 lbs, but I’m trying not to dwell on it.  I know I’m doing the right stuff.  I’m still going to my gym workout three days a week and I’m running at least two days a week (probably will be more with my new challenge), so I shouldn’t fret about the number on the scale.  I wore a pair of pants last week for the first time in probably five years.  And they were my really nice REI convertible hiking pants.  It was a great feeling.  I felt like a million bucks!

I have trouble with remembering that I am the one doing this.  I know, that doesn’t really make sense.  You see, I want to give credit to other people like my friend Jenni, who initially inspired me to start this journey and make a change in my life.  Or Lacy, who I met at my original Weight Watchers meeting and helped see that this is possible, as long as I’m moving in the right direction.  Or Tammy, who keeps me accountable twice a week to go running with her and helps the three miles go by so much more quickly than when I’m by myself.  Or so many other people I encounter along this journey and help me take that next step and keep moving forward.  If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t have the motivation, but if it weren’t for me doing it… I wouldn’t be where I am today.

I was realizing that I’m scheduled to go see my doctor next month for my follow-up appointment.  I haven’t seen him since January so it’ll be interesting to get my results.  I still have a few weeks and I’m so close to reaching my 10% goal at Weight Watchers.  I know I can do it!  I’ve gotten this far. Why slow down now?

The Great Outdoors


Has it really been almost a week since my last post?  I guess life has been keeping me busy and I lost track of time.  It’s been a good week though, I have a lot to be proud of and thankful for.  My weekend consisted of camping in the great outdoors.  I went with a group of friends to the Tahoe National Forest and spent just over 36 hours disconnected from reality.  I love camping!  I have since I was young.  It’s so quiet and peaceful and beautiful.  It’s the perfect escape and a chance to reset.

IMG_0020

North Fork North Fork American River, Tahoe National Forest, CA

The only stressful part about camping for me is eating.  That might sound crazy, but for someone who loathes cooking in a normal kitchen with access to all the ingredients I would ever need, the idea of having to pre-plan all the meals, make sure you bring all the required ingredients and utensils, then cook with a single burner or over a campfire, my heart races and my mind goes blank or foggy.  Thankfully I was with a group large enough that I didn’t have to stress about the food.  I had my required products to bring along and I just followed directions as necessary.

However quickly did I realize that food would still be a stress factor for me this weekend since cooking for a dozen people produces a LOT of food.  And when there is a lot of food to go around, seconds turn into thirds, and it’s easy for me to become a vacuum that just sucks up the crumbs.  All weekend I was reminding myself not to eat too much, to stop eating I didn’t really need to go back for more.  I may have been a broken record to my fellow campers, but I had to do that in order to stay in control of myself.  I was most proud of myself when it came to the campfire.  I love roasting marshmallows, but I promised myself I would only roast them and eat them the second night, not the first.  Then when I did, I kept a careful count of how many I was consuming.  I only ate 3 marshmallows!!  I roasted a few more for other people, but I made sure to enjoy every bite of the ones I ate.  It was hard, especially when the others got creative with adding Reese’s cups or Mr. Goodbars with Peanut Butter to their s’mores. I did taste a bite of theirs, but I made sure not to have my own.

It was a challenging weekend, and I didn’t deprive myself, but I also didn’t ignore this journey.  I’ve worked so hard the last six months and I’m finally seeing my weight go down again, I can’t sabotage myself.  Besides the decisions of eating, I also had to think about my exercise.  Just because I’m outside doesn’t mean I automatically get 20,000 steps in a day.  I woke up early Saturday morning and took a 4-5 mile walk with a friend.  I don’t know if it was more for me or for Taz, but it was fun.  Then in the afternoon we hiked to a beautiful water hole where a few people went swimming.  The water was too cold and the day wasn’t hot enough for me to go in.  In the end I got over 17,000 steps, so it was a successful day.

IMG_0036

Taz hiked with me to this beautiful waterfall and swimming hole.

I was feeling really good about my tracking last week and my self-control over the weekend, I knew I needed a loss on the scale to validate my hard work.  To my relief, I got just that at my weigh-in this morning.  Another 2 lbs lost!  I am officially at 21 lbs total since beginning of January.  Just 3 lbs away from my 10% goal!  This is also in addition to my greater news last week when I took measurements with my trainer.  I’ve lost about 5% of my body fat in the two months since I’ve been going to the group workouts.  My weight has been fluctuating back and forth over this time, so body fat loss reminded me that there’s so much more to this journey than the number on the scale.

I feel energized for this week and have a plan for getting my exercise in.  Tonight’s run was hard.  I was having trouble breathing and feeling very stiff and almost sore.  It was still pretty hot outside, so I’m thinking that was the reason.  Nonetheless, we got our 3 miles in and the time wasn’t too bad considering!  But if I want to get through my 6 am workout tomorrow morning, I should probably wrap this up.  I close with one of my favorite Psalms.  This weekend reminded me of how Great and Wonderful is Our God!

The heavens declare the glory of God,
and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.
Day to day pours out speech,
and night to night reveals knowledge.
There is no speech, nor are there words,
whose voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out through all the earth,
and their words to the end of the world.
– Psalm 19:1-4 (ESV)

Tracking Goal


I feel like I have a lot to talk about, but I don’t really know where to start.  I had a good WW meeting yesterday.  Well, the weigh-in part was only okay (I lost 0.2) but the actual meeting was very motivational.  The topic for this week is BLT.  No, not the sandwiches!  Bites, Licks, and Tastes.  We discussed the importance to tracking everything you put in your mouth, even if it’s simply a bite of this, lick of that, or taste of something else.  We decided to add an S for Sips, which has made me really pause and think before filling that cup of coffee (with cream and sugar, of course) or getting that can of soda from the vending machine.

At the end of the meeting there were a few of us who shared our cell phone numbers with each other in order to text and encourage to track during the week.  Tracking has been my biggest down fall on this journey.  But this week I am committing to tracking every day.  I’m even going to track by hand in the planner rather than using my iPhone app.  I still need the app to look up the points values, but I’ve always been told the accountability of writing it down is so powerful.  Yesterday I tracked everything, even the ice cream sandwich I had for dessert.  Today, I kept the momentum going and wrote down every bite.  I’ll Instagram my tracker pages for those interested.

Part of the success of tracking is planning ahead.  My best friend bought me an amazing vegetarian cookbook for my birthday, but I’ve been too nervous to try cooking out of it.  You see, I am NOT a chef or even a cook.  I find making food very intimidating.  I know I’ll eat it no matter if it’s not very good, but I still feel like it needs to be perfect or I’ve failed.  Well, I took the plunge tonight and made two dishes out of the book for dinner.  The first one was Hot and Sour Zucchini.  A coworker gave me a zucchini from her garden last week and I wanted to cook it up special.  The recipe called for a bunch of ingredients I hadn’t heard of and didn’t have so I had to go shopping.  The premise of the recipe was to heat up peanut oil with garlic, ginger, and peppers, then add the zucchini with soy sauce, rice vinegar, and a little sugar (I just realized I forgot to add the sugar).  Then simmer it for a few minutes.

IMG_2027

Image from cookbook

IMG_2028

My plate of zucchini

The best thing I can say is, it wasn’t bad.  Adding the sugar would’ve helped.  I love zucchini so even if they were completely burnt, I would’ve eaten it.

The second dish I made was much easier.  It’s called Tomato Rice.  Basically, you puree some plum tomatoes with onion and cook the rice in it with vegetable stock.  I was trying to be clever and used my rice cooker, but I think that wasn’t such a good idea.  In the end it didn’t cook right because it burnt on the bottom and rice turned to mush.  I have to say though, with a little extra salt, it tasted pretty good.

There was more I wanted to talk about in this post but I think I’ll save it for another time.  Before I go, I want to thank Katie from RunsforCookies.com for including me in her Motivational Monday post this week.  Seeing my picture and reading my story there reminds me I have so much to be proud of and I really am a motivation to others.

Sick and Tired


I feel literally sick and tired today. Of what?  Of everything at the moment.  It’s been a rough week.  Monday was actually a good day.  I started the day early with a 6 am bootcamp workout.  Got a pretty good day of work in then closed the day with a friend at dinner.  If every day had been like Monday, it would’ve been a good week.  But it wasn’t.  It’s hard to imagine a day getting worse than a Monday, but it’s true.

Tuesday I woke up with a sore throat.  I haven’t had a sore throat in a while, but I knew what my body was trying to tell me although I wanted to ignore it, “You are getting sick! You need to take care of yourself.”  I went to work but gradually felt worse during the day with heavy fatigue and a slight fever.  I thought about taking the afternoon off and in hind sight I really should have, but I didn’t and the day just got worse.  Finally I had a chance to go home and I collapsed at home. The next day I had a full on cold and called in sick.  I drugged myself up and rested all day in hopes to let it pass.  I couldn’t afford missing more work and I was feeling better although not 100% on Thursday, so I returned.

The work day was pretty average.  I still felt a little under the weather, but not like Tuesday or Wednesday.  There was some stress at work around an assignment I had worked on, but I left thinking it had been taken care of.  Unfortunately I was not correct.  Let’s just say, Thursday became a very long day and night.  I was responsible for resolving another issue, even if it took me all night.  Well, it took almost the whole night, and I was so wired by the situation I only got 2-3 hours of sleep.  My work is not normally like this, and I understood I was responsible for the result and was willing to do whatever it took.

So today, after less than three hours of sleep and still fighting the cold, I am feeling very sick and tired.  Thankfully it is Friday.  I’m really looking forward to this weekend.  My close friends are visiting and we’re going to go see Wicked on Broadway.  I saw it a few years ago and absolutely loved it, so I’m really excited about seeing it again.

Although it wasn’t the best week for exercising, I was trying to be better about tracking.  I know I didn’t post any pics, but I was tracking most days.  I also attended all three of my workout groups and went for a brisk walk with my neighbor.  I’m hoping for some kind of loss, even if it’s only 0.2 lbs.  It wasn’t a good week to say the least, but I survived.  I even was rewarded today with a free car wash.  With the week closing, I’m hoping to find rest and renewal I need.  It’s just one day at a time, and one week at a time, but I know I can do it.

Before I close this post, I did work on a new page for my blog that I’m ready to share with you.  I hate making goals and putting a lot of effort into a single result, but now that I’m seeing my hard work pay off, I wanted to capture a list of this I was to celebrate and reward myself with on this journey.  I call it my 30 Before 30!.  I have created a list of 30 accomplishments I want to reach before I turn 30.  Most of them I’m already on track to completing and I wrote down just so I can cross it off.  Others I will need to put more effort or planning into fulfilling, but I know I can do it.  I have two years!  How much has happened in just six months?  I can’t even imagine where I will be in two years, but hopefully this will be a guide for me to get there!

What kinds of things do you want to accomplish in the next year or two?  Be creative but be realistic as well!  You are more capable than you can even fathom!

Mission Accomplished!


Today I ran my first official 5K race at the Women’s Fitness Festival in downtown Sacramento!  I can’t believe it.  I’ve been thinking about this day since I first signed up in January.  Although I’m not as far along in my weight-loss journey as I had originally hoped, I’m still so proud of myself for getting as far as I have.  I set a goal of finishing in 45 minutes and my final time was… well, let me tell you how I got there.  I need to back up to Thursday, that’s when this story really started.

I’ve been running with my neighbor for quite a few weeks now.  We are doing the walk-run-walk method and have advanced to an interval of 1 minute run/2 minute walk.  On Thursday night we ran about 3 miles with this interval.  I knew from the beginning that the cheap running shoes I bought wouldn’t last me very long, but I was hoping at least to race day.  Well, they’ve been starting to hurt my feet after my runs and Thursday night was especially painful.  I felt like I had developed a bruise on the bottom of my right foot in the middle of the arch.  I knew it wasn’t normal and I began to become worried about continuing to run in those shoes.

Well, on Friday I had to go to the local Fleet Feet to pick-up my race packet so I thought since I’m there I might as well get a new pair of real running shoes.  Now, for my runner readers, I know what you’re thinking: Don’t buy a new pair of running shoes right before a race.  You have to break into them first!  I talked to the salesman as he was helping me pick out the right pair and he said that although it’s not advised to change shoes at this point before a race, since my current pair are actually hurting my feet, these will be better.  So we found the perfect pair and I invested into my new hobby.

My new running shoes.  Awesome laces, courtesy of Jenni!

My new running shoes. Awesome laces, courtesy of Jenni!

Although I had not even two days to break in my shoes, I decided to go for a run Saturday morning.  I wanted to try out my new shoes and I was feeling anxious about the race.  They were great!  A world of difference between my previous pair.  When I finished that run, I felt a lot better about the race on Sunday, but I also noticed I had started developing a blister on my right heel.  I tried not to think about it and continued with my day.  By Saturday night the nerves were getting to me.  I knew what I was going to wear.  I knew what time I needed to get up to leave.  I knew where I was going in the morning.  I was ready for bed before 9 and planned to get a good sleep.  My body decided otherwise and proceeded to wake me up at 2am, then 4am, then 5am, then 5:15 my alarm went off.  Ready or not, it was time to get up to go.

I went through my routine of getting ready and was out the door by 6am.  I arrived to the Capitol by 6:30, just when my running cheerleader, Jenni, also arrived.  An avid runner herself, Jenni agreed to run with me and help pace me for this first 5K.  Having a friend to run with me made all the difference.  We were plenty early so we watched the half-marathoners start, walked around warming up, took a few pics to remember the day, then joined the pack at the starting line.  I had set a goal of 45 minutes and knew I would need walking breaks, so we mainly relied on Jenni’s Garmin to know what our pace was and how we were doing.

Pre-Race Photo Op.  Nervously excited!

Pre-Race Photo Op. Nervously excited!

The actual race was really good.  We used the city blocks to determine when we’d start and stop running.  It made the whole thing go by a lot faster.  There was a lot of weaving in and out of people, especially since my pace wasn’t real consistent.  But everyone was so nice and polite, I never felt bad about passing them.  The one thing I learned from running with a more experienced runner is that I need to work on my breathing.  Every time we slowed to a walk, Jenni would need to remind me to breathe deeply.  Once I got the hang of taking deeper breaths, I did notice an improvement in my performance.  We finished strong at a solid time of 45:13, just meeting my goal of 45 minutes.  There were a lot of booths including a hearty breakfast and a free massages.  We took everything in and enjoyed ourselves along the way.   It was a morning I’ll never forget.

This is only just the beginning though.  My next race is another 5K on July 4th.  But I really need to start focusing on training for my 10K on Thanksgiving Day.  I’ll be running that with my sister, and we’re both really looking forward to it.  The whole experience today was very surreal for me, but definitely something I can’t wait to do again!

Happy Birthday To Me!


Yes!  Today is/was my birthday.  The day is almost over, but I can’t complain, it was a wonderful day!  Is it just me, or does anyone else wake up on their birthday expecting to feel different, but when you realize you don’t feel different, the rest of the day seems almost surreal?  Every year I want to believe that something in me has changed, but I know I’m still the same person I was yesterday and I will still be the same person tomorrow.  The genuine growth is displayed when you compare yourself to a year ago today.  That is what today was about for me.

There are many things in my life that are very similar to where I was in 2013.  I’m still at the same job. I’m still in my “new” home. I’m still single. But when I look at the things that are different, I almost don’t recognize myself.  I’m on a weight loss journey and I’ve lost over 25 lbs.  I have new friends who I actually do things with on the weekend.  I exercise with a neighbor on a regular basis.  I’ve completed almost 6 months of Weight Watchers.  I am more accepting of the reality that Prozac helps me be the person I want to be.  It’s been a great year for me.  27 was the year I turned my life around.  What does year 28 have in store for me?  I can’t wait to see!

While I’m here, I want to give an update on how I’m doing this week.  Exercising has been great.  I’ve realized that I want to exercise again.  Those two weeks I was taking the lower dose, I just didn’t have the drive to want to exercise like I used to.  I did it because I knew I should, but I wasn’t finding enjoyment in it the same way.  This week is different.  I went to bed last night deciding I would get up for a simple walk, which I haven’t done in… too long, and I knew I actually would.  I was feeling incredibly sore yesterday from back to back workouts, but it was a good feeling, not heavy and weighed down like other times.  I have this new epiphany of loving who I’ve become and who I am when I’m balanced.

The food has been better.  I won’t say good, because, well, today was my birthday so I went all out, but today only comes once a year!  Monday and Tuesday were good.  I went over on my points Monday, but I don’t really care.  I actually entered everything I ate that day.  I was a little under yesterday and again I entered everything I ate.  It wasn’t as painful as I always imagine.  But it wasn’t… a piece of cake either (pun intended ;). Nonetheless I did it. Tomorrow I’m back to entering everything I eat and I know I can do it.  One perspective I haven’t really heard much but is benefiting me: Tracking (in the beginning) should be less about planning where you want to go, but rather evaluating where you currently are.  I do have a set number of points and it is tricky to make sure I eat within that number.  But I can’t plan the route I’m going to take unless I know where I’m coming from.  I’m not sure if I said in my last post, but the tracking for this week is less about actual number of points, but the physical and mental challenge of writing everything down without judgement.  I didn’t have judgment when I ate the food, so why do I when I’m just putting it on paper?

Today was my exception day.  I had a very normal breakfast and lunch.  Mid-afternoon though, my coworkers and I did go out for ice cream.  We were celebrating a team milestone, but I like to believe we were celebrating me.  For dinner I had made plans to go out to Red Robin with a close friend.  I didn’t know but she had also invited a few of our other friends though to join us.  I had my all time favorite and we finished it with a Mud Pie as well as a Birthday ice cream sundae.  The friendship and fellowship was amazing.  I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such loving people in my life.  I know God is leading in my life and relationships.  He is so wise like that!

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.
~ Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NLT)

Wrong Direction


Is it really June already?  This year is just flying by.  June is my favorite month of the year.  It’s half spring, half summer.  School goes on break for the summer.  Although I’m not in school anymore, in my younger days that was definitely something to be excited about.  And it happens to be my birthday month as well.  I actually spent the morning celebrating my birthday with my friends and celebrating the year I’ve been in my house.  I never would’ve imagined the life I have today a year ago.  I’ve had a great time and I feel more blessed than I ever have before.

Unfortunately I have to get real with myself and start being honest about my progress.  I’ve been moving in the wrong direction.  It’s showing on the scale, but more importantly I can see things in my life digressing. As always the easy part of exercising is not the problem.  It’s easier to add something to your routine that you weren’t doing before than to change something you do every day and do it differently.  I’m talking about food.  Eating a healthy diet and tracking the calories or points is so difficult for me.  You would that after five months of trying to do it right, I’d be an expert by now.  But I actually feel like I’m back at square one.

It’s been five months that I’ve been going to Weight Watchers.  The meetings are so motivational, it amazes me every week.  I was so close to not going to my meeting this morning, but at the last second I decided to stay.  I’m glad I did.  Seeing the progress that people have made is so encouraging.  But I know that the only way I’m really going to make my own progress is if I follow the plan.  I have the misbelief that I don’t need to change the way I eat in order to move forward.  I’m in denial about my eating habits and I’m too scared to know the truth.  I love the idea of the Simply Filling plan because it’s so free.  But I think I need to focus more and the Points Tracking plan is the better option for me at this time.

Since it’s a new month, and soon to be a new season and a new year for me, I need to make a resolution.  I have lots of ideas rattling around in my head, but I don’t want to commit to something too grandiose.  Let’s start with this for the week: 1. I’m going to track everything I eat for three days this week, and 2. I’m going to make a healthy dish from the new cookbook my best friend got me for my birthday.  It’s a very doable plan, specific enough that I will be able to follow it.  For the extra accountability, I will Instagram my food log each of the three days, starting tomorrow.  I will check in on Wednesday and let you know how the week is going.  I know this is what I need.  I know I can do it.  It’s going to be hard for me, because if it were easy I would be doing it already.  Please pray for me as I find my way again.  I really appreciate the support from everyone.  You all are helping me stay confident and strong.

The New Normal


I finally feel back to normal, well, the new normal.  I say that because for many years feeling depressed and apathetic was very normal to me.  Over the two weeks that I was taking the 60 mg dose of Prozac, I was realizing that I’ve developed this new normal in how I should feel.  I know I still had enough antidepressants in my system to keep me grounded, but not enough to take the edge of darkness off.  I could feel that little bit missing and it was just enough to know I was missing it and wanted to feel 100% again.

I’m getting back into my regular exercise routine as well.  I now go running with my neighbor twice a week (Mondays and Thursdays) and I go to my semi-private training session twice a week (Tuesdays and Thursdays).  Next week I’m going to add on a Monday morning bootcamp workout.  I don’t have to pay extra to go, I just have to have the motivation to go.  With this schedule I’ve decided that Wednesday will be my rest day.  On Sundays I usually go walking with my Weight Watchers group in the morning.  My last day to fully commit to is Fridays.  I have this vision of going for a long walk in the morning, but that would involve getting up early again and actually doing it.  The last few weeks have been super difficult for me to get up.  This week I’m back to 100% so maybe it’ll be easier tomorrow morning.

The last piece to the puzzle is my diet, I mean, the way I eat.  I’ve been super bad recently and it’s shown on the scale.  I’ve pretty much been gaining and losing the same one or two pounds for the last few weeks.  I need to buckle down and say No when I know I should.  I don’t need a piece of cake.  I don’t need to dip my pineapple in chocolate fondue.  I don’t need two scoops of ice cream in a waffle cone.  I don’t need a can of soda with my catered lunch.  I don’t need a milkshake, the ultimate calorie heavy weight.  I know that once I start taking my food more seriously the weight will continue to come off.  No matter how hard I work out at the gym or how far I run on the road, if I keep eating CRAP, I’m wasting my time.

Stop eating CRAP

One thing I am trying to remember through all of this, there is no giving up.  This is my life, my future, my legacy.  I’m on this journey to feel better about myself, but also to help others believe that they can do it too.  The road isn’t easy but the destination will be worth it.  I’ve started a mental bucket list of activities I want to do that I couldn’t before at 250 lbs.  I may add a page to share this list with you and start documenting it.  Some of them I’ll be able to do soon, i.e. run a 5K, and others I may need to wait until I’m closer to goal or at least further along in my journey.  One step at a time, one day at a time, one lb at a time.  As long as I’m moving in the right direction, I will get there!

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 136 other followers